PTQ Report – Extended By Kirk Buckendorf

Subject: 1997 PTQ LA report — Las Vegas, NV: RGU Sligh
Date: Tue, 24 April 2008
From: Buckendorf, Kirk W (

Hey Frank, I know the Dojo is long gone and this is waaaaaaay late, but I’ve been meaning to write this tournament report for a long time. I may not have ever made the big show, but for December of ’97 and January of ’98 I was Top 8’ing the crap out of the first Extended Format PTQs for PT LA, and I started that streak with the greatest deck ever to be compiled.

Now before I begin, dear readers and enlightenment seekers to the Dojo, you will have to forgive me any mistakes I make when it comes to details. You see, I didn’t take notes during the Tournament- Oh, and it was over 11 years ago.

So, with that, on to the deck; at the time I really liked what that Jay Schneider guy was doing with the whole mana curve/Sligh thingy so I wanted to try a deck like that. But I didn’t want to just play cheesey mono red. Luckily, around that time, I owned a comic book and game shop and the week before I started building decks for the new Extended format a kid came in with a binder full of Dual Lands. I had craftily traded him some fresh packs for them, not taking too much advantage of him value-wise. In that trade I only aquired full play sets of Taigas, Volcanic Islands and Tropical Islands.

I did the math, and figured I needed to play Red, Blue and Green.

Here’s the decklist:

4 Mogg Conscript
4 Mogg Fanatic
4 Elvish Archer
3 Fireslinger
4 Mogg Flunkies
3 Orcish Artillery
4 Uktabi Orangutan
4 Man-O-War
2 Wildfire Emissary

4 Lighting Bolt
4 Incinerate

4 Wasteland
4 Tropical Island
4 Volcanic Island
4 Tiaga
4 Mountain

Not the exact curve Jay was going for, but similar in spirit. Now I know what you’re saying, “Mogg Conscripts? Really? What about Jackel Pups?” and I would’ve said in December of 1997, “Jackel Pup hurts, and I have Fireslingers and Artillerys.”

No one ever accused me of being the most innovative of deck builders, and I admit I definitely missed the memo on Cursed Scroll, but Conscripts worked in this build. I’ve also had critics laugh at Elvish Archers, but to be honest he was better than the traditional bear for sligh, Ironclaw orcs, and there were a ton of Knights, white and black, running around at the time. First Strike was a pretty good option in these three colors.

(Of course I had 18 billion ways to poke or fry those knights, but don’t hold it against me. My judgment would make total sense if you could’ve seen the goofy haircut I was sporting at the time.)

With the Conscripts and the Flunkies, utility creatures were a must to give me, well utility, while still keeping the creature pressure on. I was a big fan of the original 187 guy, Nekrataal so the new Blue and Green versions were a given. Not to mention the tempo they helped create in this style of deck. I could bounce a fattie blocker and attack full force, or I could remove an artifact threat and still keep the pressure on. The Uktabis turned out to be good call, as everyone else but me seemed to get that memo on Cursed Scrolls.

Wildfire Emissarys were just an idea of mine to top off the Sligh style curve with a Swords To Plowshares and Lightning Bolt proof threat. At the time I figured 20 lands was enough, even though I shouldn’t really have counted the Wastelands as mana producers. To be honest I’m sure I was luckier than I should have been to have not been more mana screwed throughout the tournament.

So, after smashing the 10 and 12 year olds who used to hang out in my Comic Shop with the deck (a.k.a. Deck Testing) my friend Andrew, my brother Eric and I headed out for Las Vegas, a rugged two lane 90 mile drive at the time. I could pass whole conveys of slow-ass drivers and truckers in my 4 wheel drive Dodge and make it back into my own lane before the oncoming traffic could blink an eye or spill their coffee. (We were driving up from Laughlin.)

When I arrived in Vegas I remember it was at the Howard Johnson hotel’s meeting room. The room was a light brown/tannish color. The tables were closely packed and most of the players were sufficiently showered. I remember recognizing Preston Poulter in a corner by himself reading a dingy paperback. I had the first Pro Tour New York on VHS and he was on it. I guess they started everyone from a clean slate for this extended season and even the, “Pros,” had to qualify.

Round 1 – What’s his Name : Some random deck

Well, DCI’s unofficial match history has lost this poor souls name and record of our match in the annals of e-history. I don’t remember anything about this first match at all, except the echo of mumblings about Mogg Conscripts. I broke out my Sharpie and wrote on the card, “No, I’m not a Jackal pup. Yes, I am a Mogg Conscript.”

Matches: 1-0 Games: 2-0

Round 2 – Hayim Z. Mizrachi : R/B beats

Second round parings go up and I recognized my opponent’s name, Hayim, owner of Wizard’s Playground here in Vegas. Man, did I have to play someone I knew was probably better than me already? Oh well, I prepared myself for the inevitable snickers at first turn Conscripts I sat down and shook Hayim’s hand.

This is one of the matches I do remember, he was playing Red Black beatdown and I think maybe some discard. I remember reading a Sedge Troll for the first time in this match. It’s a pretty cool card, nothing an Incinerate couldn’t take care of, though. My quick starts and removal of all his threats was too much for his deck. I remember him playing Cursed Scroll and smiling as I re-read the card, finally realizing how good it was. He continued smiling, until I played an Uktabi. I took out my Sharpie and wrote on the card, “Monkey-1, Cursed Scroll-0.” I’m not sure he was completely amused.

He mumbled something about Mogg Conscripts as we shook hands after my 2-0 victory.

Matches: 2-0 Games: 4-0

Not bad, if I do say so myself. This began a long line of me having Hayim’s number over the next couple years. I don’t think I ever lost to him in a tournament.

Round 3 – Eric S. Gonce : RW Tax

This match I don’t remember very well, in fact I had to ask my friend Tim Rivera if he remembered what Gonce was playing. They were part of the same Vegas crew at the time and Tim is pretty sure it was RW with Land Tax/Scroll Rack and maybe even Land’s Edge. If I don’t remember the match (Especially since a RW Scroll Tax smashed me in later rounds) the games must have went quickly. So I’m gonna throw out that I went 2-0 and mumblings about Mogg Conscripts were heard. Eric, if you read this and I’m completely wrong, forgive me, friend. Oh, and I think you still have my Lin Sivvi’s, but that’s ok, I sold my cards a long time ago.

Matches: 3-0 Games: 6-0

Round 4 – Jason Galeski : U w/ Ophidians

I think Jason was playing Draw Go with Ophidians. He may have had another color in there, too. Red or Black maybe, he doesn’t remember either when I asked him. DCI Match History reports that I beat him though and if he was playing Blue controlishness I think I went right through him. But because he’s a rad dude, I’ll say he squeaked out a game because I don’t need an 8-0 to make me too cocky at this point in our story.

I think he mumbled something about Mogg Conscripts.

Matches: 4-0 Games: 8-1

Round 5 – Jay Wagner : RW Scroll Tax

Jay was really cool, he was from Colorado and I grew up there so we jabbered about that for awhile. He was playing a deck that after this tournament I tested and really liked enough to play in Denver about a month later. He called the Land Tax/Scroll Rack engine his white Necropotence. I wish it was good old fashioned Necropotence, because my deck would’ve never allowed him to pay any life for cards he ended up drawing.

First game I was smashing him, I had removal for everything but his Soltari Priests, but I was winning the race because I had three guys out to his one. One was a Wildfire Emissary. Thinking I had the game locked up, Jay Taxed and drew a card for the turn bringing his hand up to nine. He set aside all nine cards to Scroll Rack and drew nine more. Firestorm for the win, he wiped my board, dealt me four damage and still had a few cards left over in his hand. I wither like Pac Man touched by a ghost.

Second Game was more of the same, much beatdown was generated by me. I guess his opening hand had two Firestorms so he had to keep, but I kept the pressure on and my land count equal to his so he never had enough cards to kill the Wildfire I was able to get into play. When I finally thought I had the win, I pumped the Wildfire for the kill and he played another card I had to read, Honroable Passage. Ouch. He had a priest that had been chipping away at me and this blast from my own Wildfire put me within range of a small firestorm. Insert withering Pac Man sound effect here.

He really liked my goofy deck, you can read his tournament report here: (Insert Link:

As I said I ended up building a similar version of his deck to play in Denver, his home town. It got me to the Semi’s there too. It was a fun deck, the card drawing was amazing and I loved the Lions, knights and Warbeasts backed by Bolts and Firestorms.

Matches: 4-1 Games 8-3

Round 6 – Andrew J. Rivchin : Maybe a Jank with cursed scrolls.

He Mumbles something about Mogg Conscripts, but proceeds to beat me anyway. I don’t remember this match at all so I’ll cry Mana Screw. I don’t remember if he made top 8, probably did, though. I’ll say I squeaked out one win at least.

Matches: 4-2 Games 9-5
Round 7 – Robert Morris : I don’t remember this one either… Probably something with Cursed Scrolls.

I win. He mumbles something about Mogg Conscripts.

Matches 5-2 Games 11-5

I squeaked into 8th place somehow! I don’t recall who was in the Top 8 with me so I’ll quote Jay Wagner’s report:

“I don’t know all of the names of the Top 8, but here goes:

1) Preston Poulter (more on him later) – Tongo/Firewalker
2) Yours Truly – WW/Bolts ‘n’ stuff
3) Erik Landriz – Racktax Prison
4) Dunno much about the 4-6 slots, but I know there
5) was a Tongo and a Necro among them
7) Joe Newman – W/R/G Similar to the Czech gun
8) Kirk Buckendorf – Coolguy Sligh”

I know Jeremy D. Brower was one of Jay’s unknown, because I played him in the Semi’s.

I was pleased, this was my first Constructed Top 8 in a PTQ, but now I have to play Preston Poulter. I guess I was a little nervous but I wasn’t really intimidated.

Quarterfinals: Preston Poulter : RU Tongo w/ Firewalkers

First game I remember slowly beating him down as he tried to take board control. He would remove threats, but not until after they did some damage and I had a steady stream of creatures to take their place and keep the pressure on. I don’t think I saw any firewalkers this game and he let me keep a Fireslinger in play. As I was beating him down he got a Frenetic Efreet in play and was attacking me with it. Every time he declared an attack with the Efreet I tied to ping it with the Fireslinger, but he won the toss about 5 times in a row phasing it out. Now, he was a pretty high level player and there was a, “judge,” watching our match, but both of them let me take damage from the Fireslinger every time. I didn’t know any better until someone told me after the match that if the target isn’t there anymore I shouldn’t take the damage.

It didn’t matter anyway, I smashed his face. Preston became visibly upset at that point that a scrub was beating him. Not only is he mumbling stuff about Mogg Conscripts, he was jabbering about having two-for-one’d me like five times or something. I think I remember reading some stuff from Brian Weissman about this crazy card advantage theory-thing. Oh well, his life was at zero.

As Preston side boarded for the next game, he told me he had the perfect cards for my deck, how he totally expected to play against Sligh and was ready for it. He grabbed eight cards and shuffled them in. I assumed it was four Blue Elemental Blasts and four Hydroblasts. I guess he wants to try one-for-one’ing me instead.

Second game was more of the first, Conscripts and Flunkies did some damage and I think he ‘Blasted some of my cards, but they were just crappy red cards anyway. I think I used some ‘Blasts of my own at key moments. Anyway, faces were smashed and I won the game again. At this point he was livid and started a silent tantrum like a 6 year old girl. He’s still mumbling about how he even three or four-for-one’d me at some points in the game and wondered aloud how could I have ever beat him. His eyes started to tear up and he was throwing all his stuff together angrily.

After he gathered his things and hurled a few more passive-aggressive insults in my direction he stomped out of the room and was never heard from again. He never collected his prizes or anything. I took out my Sharpie after he left and wrote on one of my Fireslingers, “I pinged Preston Poulter.”

I think someone told me they saw him pushing a shopping cart down Melrose Avenue clothed in two dirty old coats and some stained jeans mumbling something about Mogg Conscripts a few years later.

Matches 6-2 Games 13-5

Semifinals : Jeremy D. Brower

I don’t remember a thing about this match. It must have been quick. I think I walked away mumbling something about stupid Mogg Conscripts. Congrats, Jeremy.

Matches 5-3 Games 11-7

I’m pretty sure that last match was quick because I do remember watching Jay Wagner’s Semifinal match with the eventual winner Erik Landriz. I really liked Erik’s prison deck, it was white with a splash of blue for Counterspells and a spatter of green for 2 Gaia’s Blessing. It used the Scroll/Tax engine, too and he played it very carefully. He did take a cery long time making decisions and shuffling through his deck. The Gerard’s Wisdoms were too much for Jay to handle after being locked up. Jay had a pretty cool sideboard idea for this style deck, but Erik would survive long enough to Icy and Orb lock him out. Jay was packing Sudden Impacts for when Erik would Land tax filling his hand. I remember I stuck around and watched Erik lock Jeremy’s deck out to win the PTQ. I don’t remember details from that match at all, either, though. Congrats Erik, good luck at PT LA – er, well, I hope you had good luck.


To all the Las Vegas guys who were at this tournament and would a few years later become my best friends. I didn’t talk to any of them at this tournament except Jason during our match, but when I finally moved to Vegas and started hanging out with them they remembered me as the guy who made Preston Poulter cry.

To Jay Wagner, he was a cool guy and I did use his deck to make top 8 in Denver a few weeks later.


To Preston Poulter, Jay Wagner said it all in his tournament report. Maybe I’ll head out to Melrose Avenue and see if I can find his cardboard box. I’ll hand him a $20 bill with a Mogg Conscript wrapped in it.

Overall it was a fun season for me. A few weeks later I built a WRGU Jank deck with Mox Diamonds, Tithes and Cursed Scrolls and took it to Phoenix. I had to have my set of Uktabis and Man-O-Wars in there with the white weenies and bolts. I made it to the Semi’s again, but lost to an already Qualified Truc Bui playing Sligh. Unfortunately for me he knew what Honorable passage was and even said he was playing around it. It was like he was reading my mind. I should’ve stuck to Mogg Conscripts, he would have never seen that coming.

(Stay tuned for Rob “Scrubby” Swaroski’s 1997 Grand Prix San Francisco Tournament report. It’s a doozey, he played with Orcish Librarians and Death Spark – and won!)


21 Responses

  1. Actually, Preston Poulter became a certified financial adviser and wrote a book about the collapse of the economy; it’s been called prescient by more than a few. So, save your $20. Given the state of the current crisis, the fact he was predicting it as far back as ’05, and the uncommonly impressive returns on his investments, you’re going to need it a hell of a lot more than he does. (And, if you read his book, you’ll learn how worthless cash really is, anyway. It’s even written simply enough so that guys like you can understand its concepts.)

    He’s also found it greatly amusing that someone could still be so antagonistic over something as trivial as a M:tG match that took place over a decade ago. I could hardly believe it myself when I mentioned this posting to him, having stumbled upon it. (Gotta love Google.) Of course, before that, he looked puzzled and asked, ‘Who?’ I guess you weren’t as memorable.

    He never liked most of the Magic crowd anyway, and if you’re at all representative of the lot of you, I can see why. Most (but not all, of course) of you were, well … like you. Sad.

    So, now that you know, while he’s not too far from Melrose, but the only thing he uses cardboard boxes for are carrying in groceries —

    What’ve you been doing since then, huh, tough guy? Clearly, growing up has not been among them. There’s this really nifty thing called a life. I think you should do as Preston’s done and get one yourself.

  2. Speaking of getting a life, how’s the search for yours going?

  3. Well, first of all I think you need to read a book that I’ll post a link to below, it’s hopefully written so even someone such as you can understand. (I say hopefully, because I have about the same chance of reading it as I do of reading Preston’s book)

    I guess the absurdity of the whole tournament report is lost on you. Let me highlight some of the points that are most amusing. At the time we were both grown men playing a silly game for entertainment. Well, I guess I saw it as a silly game for entertainment, because I certainly didn’t take it seriously enough to get physically upset and cry if a I lost a match or two.

    Why was Pretson memorable to me and not I to him? Because he was so arrogant and deadly serious about a card game. Not a card game like Poker or Bridge… a card game like Magic. Oh wait, it’s not even like Magic it was Magic.

    Given that; why would I remember someone like Jay Wagner as well? Because he was a pleasure to play the game with and even lose to and he represents the Magic Community that I know and like regardless of how sad Preston thinks they are.

    Why wouldn’t Preston remember someone like me? That’s pretty obvious, I’m a quiet and understated guy in person. I also have no tolerance to try to get to know a guy who was so obviously self-absorbed and obnoxious to play games with. I find guys like him funny, but I don’t really want to associate with them. He all but sneered at me down his upturned nose at the gaul I had for beating him with such stupid deck.

    Did you get that part? I played a deck even I recognized as ridiculous. I was playing a game for fun, I had no reputation to live up to. That’s where the funniest and most memorable part of this story comes from; I played a stupid deck for silly reasons and someone was so devastated by it they left the room in a huff and puff of stifled tears and crushed dreams.

    I don’t know about where you come from but from where I stand, that’s funny.

    So let me ask you, was I being antagonistic or humorous? (you say he was amused, so at least that translated well).

    In my probably worthless attempt to point out humor to you, did you happen to notice the title of my friend’s site?

    Cake Draft Masters.

    If you don’t know why that’s funny on so many levels, there truly is no hope.

    Maybe you should read some of the other reports on here, you could probably find a carrer coming to the defense of the kids that played at a certain Shadowmoor Release event at Gameworld.

    We’re grown men with serious careers of our own, but we like to relax and play silly games for fun and then talk about the games we’ve had and share stories about them that we find funny. That in itself is funny and the self deprecation knows no bounds in that respect.

    Your post, on the other hand, does fit in nicely to the tone of this site. It’s added to the amusement my friends and I get from it.

    Do you really believe that I care about Preston’s resume and comparing my life to his? If you do you probably think I actually believe that he’s a homeless man pushing a shopping cart down Melrose Avenue mumbling about Mogg Conscripts.

    Here’s another funny thing, we’re curious who you are. Are you really a friend of Preston’s that Googles him on occasion? If so, that’s funny because you would be what we cal a Barn. And not a Barn to someone who is still relevant, you’d be a Barn for someone who nobody really cares about except some dorks on a website called, “Cake Draft Masters.”

    The other theory is that you’re actually Preston himself, which makes it funny beyond belief. Funnier than Kanye West and Fish Sticks.

    If you aren’t Preston, I’ll give you the same advice I should have given him 12 years ago; “Lighten up, Francis.”

    If you are Preston (and oh my god, I hope you are) I have some more advice; “Google yourself too much and you could go blind.”

  4. Man, you’re right Google is fun!

    Aubianne, stickin’ up for her man.

    I can respect that, but please, do see it for the humor as it’s intended. In fact, this site is obviously for me and my friends to amuse ourselves with and the fact that you’re googling your boyfriend’s name only to get offended by one Magic nerd’s opinion of him and his prickish actions from a tournament 12 years ago is rife with even more humor.

    I’d suggest with all candor you and he laugh this over with a glass of wine and move along.

    Because there is a TON of material to draw from looking through his blogs…

    • Wow. Took ya long enough. But then I hoped you actually had more to do than try and unveil my identity. Alas.

      Refer to my prior (chronologically, that is) comment. Funny that in the time it took me to get from Point A to Point B there’s already a response. I hadn’t even refreshed the page.

      Like said, enjoy the surge of activity. And seriously, don’t you have more profitable things for which to make websites?

    • ‘ … and the fact that you’re googling your boyfriend’s name only to get offended by one Magic nerd’s opinion of him and his prickish actions from a tournament 12 years ago … ‘

      Therein lies the greatest humour of all, Kirk. You’re the only one that cares. Or remembers, for that matter. It was obviously antagonistic, no matter how much it was disguised in jesting. I responded in kind.

      I’d love to know what’s so funny about his blogs, too. The fact that he made a 25% return on his investments in a year most people filed for bankruptcy?

      Yeah. That’s hysterical. Do share. I’d love to know — out of idle curiosity, of course. This whole thing still amuses ME to no end.

  5. Kirk,

    He’s still amused, actually, and no — I’m not him. He doesn’t go around to websites pretending to be other people; I think he finds it distasteful. Doesn’t even use nicknames. (Especially not gender-bending ones.)

    I used to work with him a few years ago. We became friends. I’d known he’d played Magic, but he never spoke of his accomplishments in it, (and I knew very little about the game, save for losing abysmally when I played against an ex in college in maybe 4 games total) and I was surprised to find he’d been on the Pro Tour (whatever that was) and placed. As for Googling him, I’d actually done so regarding an upcoming election in which I knew he was running for a state representative seat in Texas. More to make sure the incumbent didn’t run uncontested than anything. The results were interesting. Actually got a whole lot more votes than he expected. (Not everyone’s a Republican in Texas, and he was running as a Libertarian. Though ‘running’ is a bit of an exaggeration, given he never campaigned, either. Anyway.)

    I knew there was something about it online on the election website, so I checked it out. The Magic stuff was a byproduct of that. But, honestly, dude, if your whole purpose of the website is to mock those who took something seriously a decade ago — grown men with careers and lives, as you say — it’s a bit shaky, given that the website is even in existence to begin with. To say you don’t care about something, and then make a website about it, seems … odd. Especially when it’s you, and your friends, who were not only flippant about playing the game, but poorly suited to it. To any outsider, it more appears that you’re just being sore losers — or squeezing everything you can out of the scant victories you received. Just my opinion.

    Granted, Dane, I don’t have much of a life myself — not in comparison to Preston, who had himself a kid (who’s precious beyond belief — seriously) and is a professional poker player (which he also takes very seriously, but not enough to let it drive him crazy, or fall into a lot of the traps pros typically do — which I admire.) I couldn’t do that. I have too much fire and need for control of my surroundings. Which is probably why I became a dominatrix and sex therapist. While it can be slow-going in this economy, it’s been good for me. Though, I think it’s the days of when I was a defence attorney in juvenile justice that bring it outta me when I see someone wronged — or, at least that’s how it appears.

    You say it’s all a joke, and that’s fine; but it seems a cop-out, too. Your ‘jesting’ tone was a bit too dry and cruel for even my taste — and that’s saying something! Still, it doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense to me why someone should be reviled for putting effort into something. Even if he was a ‘grown man’ — to which I have to ask, at 24 — really? Were -you- ‘grown’ at 24? I sure as hell wasn’t — trying his best at a game he took as seriously as he takes anything seriously. He’s the first to admit, ‘I wasn’t very good,’ even though he placed well. ‘The game didn’t suit me.’ And sure, maybe it takes maturity to admit that, but why should he feel silly for putting time and effort into something and achieving limited success? He told me, shortly after I relayed this to him, that he may have gotten a bit overzealous about it, or angry, and upset.

    To that, I say — so what? I can get fired up enough during a bad set of Dominion that I’ll slam the cards down (upon losing) and wander off to cool down. And, honey, I’m nearly 30. Do I take Dominion seriously? No. I just enjoy the fact that it’s become a game that we and his family get to play regularly. (And you ought to see his brother lose. His older brother, that is. Maybe it runs in the family.) But there’ve been some incredibly, and ridiculously, harsh words exchanged over a bad game. And Preston just laughs and shakes his head at all of us, reminding us of the fact we already know: ‘You guys could never be professional poker players.’ He tends to kick our asses anyway, given the years he’s spent in CCGs.

    And it’s true. Then he didn’t know he’d go on to play professional poker. He was trying his hand at a game he enjoyed, which tended to have some notoriety and money attached, should you become good enough. So, he tried, gained some success, and then decided it wasn’t for him. Now, he can play regularly for numerous sums of money without batting an eye — while I slam down my cards during a game of Dominion (which is faux-CCG’ish — similar principles, but actually quite addictive) if I happen to be feeling rather competitive.

    People are people, man. I’m glad you didn’t honestly think that the intensity he displayed in Magic as an early twentysomething didn’t shape the rest of his life. Truthfully, your tone doesn’t exactly indicate humour. At first brush, maybe, but the further you go with it, with greater frequency, it just seemed like a weird beef with a guy you haven’t seen in ages. And I thought it was silly.

    I think when it comes to sites like this, and games like Magic, relevance is relative. Your website adds to the relevance of Preston Poulter as a Google search term, connected to Magic. Were it not for your writing something up just last year — in great detail, complete with what seems to be obvious antagonism toward someone who had been notable 12 years ago — it wouldn’t even be relevant. And I don’t know what a Barn is. I think it’s a Magic card, as I’ve heard a friend of his, Mike Long, (who, I think still plays) use it somewhere, but it didn’t make sense to me then, either.

    ‘Cake Draft Masters’ is lost on us, too. I don’t have time to look it up, either. I’ve spent enough of it on this already. I’m always sceptical of people who write how much something has amused ‘them and their friends’. Maybe it’s true, but most of the time, it’s a desperate attempt to seem contrary to what they are: angry and alone. I hope you’re not. But then, I am a therapist. Helping people not be angry and alone is part of what I do. And it’s as good of a life as I need right now, though, I think we always want more or better. Striving for achievement isn’t something you can fault someone for; be it a CCG played years ago, in your 9-to-5, or in your marriage, or greening the planet; whatever.

    Too bad your humour didn’t translate to me as it did to him. Maybe I just didn’t find it that funny. I guess there’s no hope for me getting the point of this site. I can live with that.

    In any case, you’re welcome for making your website interesting and ‘relevant’ again. Wasn’t exactly my intention, but it’s funny, the things we do in our attempt to do something else, and the obvious consequences that result. Is it not?


  6. Actually, that you say he finds it funny and laughs it off gives me a whole new respect for the guy, you could learn from it. 😉

    (I guess since my sense of humor does not translate well into type for you I’ll use emoticons to cushion the blow- Something else I’ll find extremely funny btw =O )

    ” …it just seemed like a weird beef with a guy you haven’t seen in ages. And I thought it was silly.”

    This is the whole point and the only thing you need to understand. X-) I would think being a writer you’d get that. We created a goofy site to record our past experiences in a humorous way (if not to anyone else at least to ourselves, we do have a pretty harsh sense of humor and things that make us laugh obviously don’t translate to everyone). Not all sites need to be about Money or have some other grand purpose. (I was just reading some of Preston’s blogs for proof… I kid, I kid…) 😛

    I took a past experience that I saw as obscenely absurd and wrote a detailed story about, to see how much of the old information I could dig up not only from memory but from researching the web. The fact that it’s for a tournament from over 12 years ago and that it’s written as a submission to a site long ago dead but still raises nostalgia to geeks like us should be the first clue.

    Remember the part about the self deprecating humor I mentioned earlier? The things you point out as ridiculous behavior on my part in writing a report about an event from 12 years ago about a guy who acted in a very odd way and my seeming need to relive the glory of that most victorious of moments is the whole point and heart of the humor of that story. XD

    Here are the levels of silliness I see so far.

    At the time, playing with Mogg Conscripts was very funny.

    At the time, I was also 24 years old, something I will continue to define as a grown man, and enjoyed playing such a nerdy game like Magic. I found that humorous and self deprecating then and I find it even more so now.

    At the time, knowing how silly I was to be so interested in this game, it was even sillier to see someone my own age take it so much more seriously.

    Fast Forward 11 years. I still have good friends from that time and they remember that tournament and watching that match and we reminisced about how absurd it all was. We don’t play Magic as much anymore, but we have been playing other games. We joked about the site my buddy started about his exploits in another Dead CCG and talked about how we should do a blast from the past series of tournament reports. That’s funny.

    Fast Forward to this week. You’re here going around in circles pointing out how silly this all is when in all intention and self deprecation is the whole point of all everything.

    You are the proverbial Alice, and you’re stuck at the tea party with the loons trying to use Logic in our playground of ridiculousness not realizing you’re feeding that very frenzy. <;)

    I have a pretty good life and I'm happy to admit even this goofy back and forth is part of what contributes to that. It's very funny, I like to laugh at myself and how dumb this really is as much as I like to laugh when remembering back to that match.

    I laugh hard at other's expense, but in the spirit of fairness I laugh hardest at myself.

    As an aside, have you picked up Dominion: Intrigue and Dominion: Seaside yet? They add whole new dimensions to the game and make it even more addictive.

    Hold, on I have to brew some more Tea. For me. For you? For me, not you.

    • Kirk,

      Clever. And of course, the whole thing’s silly — but many things on the Internet are. Maybe it’s the element of being an outsider — and yes, likening me to Alice is apropos in this especially — but the whole thing was entirely lost on me. And, given that he hadn’t been in that world for quite some time, it didn’t strike a chord with him, either.

      I understand the purpose of creating sites for the amusement of a select group — namely a group of friends. Given the prevalence of search terms, it’s wild what can actually come up. Anything text-based is always subject to being misconstrued, though emoticons are equally silly. 😉

      (Don’t you agree?)

      If you enjoy Alice, (and psychopaths and crazy conspiracies) you may enjoy the novel series I’m soon-to-publish. It’s written with a very wry wit and my usual sarcasm. Of course, if you were never a part of the in-group, it’s hard to get the joke. I appreciate your explaining it to me. Genuinely.

      And I’m glad that we can put this back into the box where it should’ve stayed to begin with. But there are some nutty people out there; you should know. I’ve heard a good many of them were Magic players! But what does that say about anyone? No matter where you go, you’re bound to find someone looking for a fight, or relive some nostalgia, or argue a position. If you try hard enough, you can find them all in one fell swoop!

      Why was Mogg Conscripts funny? He doesn’t remember much about it, and couldn’t explain. His mom’s picked up Seaside, but we only have the original and Intrigue. I’m looking forward to trying out Seaside. Intrigue is a lot of fun, but Swindler is broken, if you ask me. The set we played today, which had me riled up, heh, had Swindler, Thief, Coppersmith, and Moneylender. Soon as you bought better treasure with Coppersmith, and cycled out the Copper with Moneylender, (since there was nothing to trash cards with) the Thief would go to town. And, since it took awhile to even get there, the Swindler had us both drawing hand after hand of nothing but Curses with nearly dead draws. Maybe it’s because I hadn’t had my coffee yet, but, damn. That is a combination of pure misery I’m not looking to revisit. The upside was Baron. Which I would Ironworks frequently.

      Isn’t it funny how playing any game, really, but I’ve especially noticed it with Dominion, will change the function of the English language? ‘I ‘crat you!’ ‘I’m going to Ironworks a Great Hall.’ Oddly enough, it’s always, ‘I Swindle you’, rather than, ‘I Swindler you.’ I guess it’s because it just makes better sense. ‘I Thieve you,’ too. But ‘Province me’? That’s one that sounds ridiculous, and is used often.

      I wish that they’d translate the online version out of German. It looks fun. Maybe they will eventually.

      Any favourite combos?

  7. haha, i bet this fat chick was really searching google for cake and stumbled onto this site.

    • Wow, Niles.

      That’s really uncalled-for. Especially considering, in my humble opinion, that being — and staying — overweight is the result of laziness, addiction, and — in many cases — depression. Fortunately, I’ve never had my depression result in weight gain. Just the good old fashioned angry-unmotivated-wasting-an-afternoon-watching-old-movies kind. But even that’s improved dramatically, to my satisfaction.

      Why? Are you so lethargic and despairing that you’ve plummeted into obesity? If so, you might like the life coach I’m currently working with. (She started offering a weight loss programme, actually, but since I’d signed up for her motivational stuff, I feared she wouldn’t have any material for me. All this stuff about how to not eat junk food and the like. Like that’s difficult? Have you seen the crap they put in most things? ‘Junk’ food is aptly named!)

      Typically, when someone seeks to insult someone else — especially a stranger — they’re really voicing their own concerns — and fears, or issues.

      How long has it required a crane to pull you out of bed, Niles? Maybe you should look into doing something about that. Meanwhile, I’m gonna enjoy the fact that I look even more amazing in my junior prom dress now than I did then. Not a lot of women can say that!

      Next time, when you’re craving something to satiate your sweet tooth, reach for some fruit. Pineapple and pomegranates beat pastries any day. Give it a try.

      Peace out, big guy.

  8. Hold on a second. How are you okay saying

    “Typically, when someone seeks to insult someone else — especially a stranger — they’re really voicing their own concerns — and fears, or issues.”

    to Niles after you did the same thing to Kirk in your original comment?

    • Wow. Really? I’m surprised you have to ask.

      Because I wasn’t attacking Niles. I had no IDEA who Niles even was, or is. Nor do I care. However, it appeared (and still does, to some extent) that Kirk was attacking Preston. Needlessly.

      Now that I know he wasn’t, I’ve put it behind me. Why can’t you people — whom I also don’t know, and have never attacked — just do the same? Is it REALLY that interesting to you? I’m done here. Well, with the needless back and forth. If people want to converse intelligently, cool, but nitpicking isn’t what I’d call intelligent conversation.

  9. save your breath dane this cow is so full of herself(and cakes ldo) that these posts only serve to inflate her distorted sense of worth. Please pay this heffer no more mind.


    p.s. Probably weighed threefiddy for jr prom. Not hard to look better.

    • Okay, Niles, you may not be a looker yourself — or, just, typical ‘gamer-geek’ — but quit trying to goad me into showing you free photos of myself. It’s uncool and uncouth. And not happening, so give it up already.

      Weight IS actually an issue with me. In my business, I have to look the top of my game, and luckily, it’s been pretty easy. I don’t have the need to consume junk or ‘comfort foods’, but I’m not the general population. I was just born lucky with a high metabolism and petite genetics. There are a LOT of women out there who don’t have it like I do, don’t exercise, (I do Judo) don’t eat right, don’t try to change their lives, and end up depressed, lonely, angry, and bitter.

      Think, for just a minute, if I were actually one of them. How would I be feeling right now? What are the chances I would go drown my sorrows in some Haagen-dazs? Feeling ugly, worthless, and hardly motivated to improve my habits or my life? Pretty damned high.

      Don’t you feel wonderful?

      You got off lucky, happening to throw your barbs at an attractive business professional who could NOT do what she does if she didn’t keep herself in good shape. The business is just not that forgiving. And this is L.A., man. If you’re not almost underweight you’re, like, considered mammoth. You don’t want to know how many beautiful, attractive actresses I worked with, having to convince them they were beautiful and amazing, in killer shape, and no, that costume did NOT make their ass look huge, and get back on set, already! Anyway. Knowing THAT — since it was no secret I’m in L.A. — you STILL attacked me — with completely baseless insults, by the way — to do what? Try and hurt my feelings? Make my life worse? Give me even more of a complex and ruin my day?

      If that’s the case, you’re a jackass. Pure and simple. I hope for their sake, no one else outside of your dysfunctional little group (no offence, Kirk, but from where I stand, your friends are assholes) stumbles upon here, or there might’ve been real consequences for them. High school never ends. And you, Niles, are a bully. I don’t play well with bullies. I tend to show them up for the damaged people they are. Consider yourself fortunate that I don’t have the time or energy to muck with you right now. It’s useless, anyway. You’re not going to learn, because you don’t want to. You’ve chosen to be a dick, and continue to be a dick, you will. Great. But I’m not listening.

      Oh, and learn to type. Jesus! Would you know punctuation if it bit you in your sorry ass?

      Okay, done.

      Oh, and one more thing — not you, Niles.

      Kirk —

      Hopefully, we’re cool. This is an in-joke site that just happened to involve some nastiness about the 24-year-old version of my boyfriend. Okay, cool. I speak my mind regardless of what’s up, so I did here, too.

      But your friends are assholes, and I have nothing more to say to them. Period.

      Okay, maybe, two more things:

      Dane —

      On second look, I was really just fired up at the rudeness Niles was — again — throwing my way, hoping to hurt my feelings or some other delusional bullshit — your comment was somewhat apropos, and stated in logic.

      Were I baselessly attacking Kirk — first off, it’d be kinda weird. I don’t hit up random websites and attack people. Instead, as I’d stated before, I was responding to what already seemed like an attack because, again, I speak my mind. I don’t shy from confrontation. Kirk explained the in-joke background of the website — to an extent — so I’m cool with dropping the whole thing.

      Meanwhile, I get bullies like Niles coming out of the woodwork and trying to oldest tricks in the book — playground tactics — and it just puts a bad taste in my mouth, and gives me no desire to communicate with anyone further.

      Which is cool, because I was leaving anyway. But, damn, doesn’t it always feel better if people can end something on good terms and go their separate ways without some kind of flame war looming in the distant? C’est la vie. That’s the Internets. (A series of tubes!) Sorry, I had, too.

      So, yeah. Again. Peace out, people.

      • Jesus-god, typo attack.

        to oldest tricks = the oldest tricks
        distant = distance
        Sorry, I had, too = Sorry, I had to.

        I don’t have time to proof the rest.

  10. haha, you got me. To be fair, I haven’t invested nearly as much time or energy in this pointless exercise as you have, so maybe it’s I who have won. I’m done btw. I just it thought it was funny to poke fun at some random internet idiot who felt/feels the need to qualify herself to a bunch of guys she’s never met.

  11. I check out for a weekend and see what happens. The Interweb’s a magical place full of wonder and joy for everyone.

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